We are at that point now, the point where we both feel we are ready to try again, it’s funny how you don’t think about the possibility of not being able to have a family until you run into a brick wall with the effort, cost and heartache involved along the way, Jack was far from a brick wall, he is the determination of our efforts to try again.

In the very beginning we were recommended to see Dr. Craig back then he was booked roughly 4 months out for new patients but another Dr was available at that time, going into no details about him as I blogged about him in our previous posts at some point.

Just seeing Dr. Craig, was actually a relief, he made things sound very normal with our current problems with conceiving, as he flicked through our book of notes he questioned why tests weren’t run for certain things he had seen and of course we didn’t have answers, we were never suggested to take the tests. But in reality who does unless they are in the fertility field? He was very open and discussed things in detail with us that we could fully understand and outlined his plans and goals for the next few months ahead. [...]

Tags: Arizona Fertility, Dr Craig

Time goes by fast doesn’t it? We dealt with a lot in 2009 it was such a devastating year, our families had some hard times and we lost a personal friend of ours through our stress, it hit harder than anyone could ever fathom even today  it’s still hard to believe Jack isn’t here with us, not a day goes by we don’t think of him. I can’t get around the fact it’s being a year. Funny how you find that new normal, out and about I often cringe when I hear or see someone who’s pregnant especially in the company of Jennifer as I know it saddens her (not in a jealous way but more of a “Why her and not me?” kind of way, which so many people fail to understand).

We still look at his pictures daily, the shadow box I made is on the wall behind our couch, and it’s really hard not to get emotional when you look at it for more than a brief moment. I would literally give both my legs to have him here today, it’s not something I thought I wanted Jack was something we planned for our future. I wanted to be that fun Dad that took his boy everywhere joked, played and laughed with him. Not yet but maybe soon. [...]

Tags: 1st birthday, fertility, happy 1st birthday, jack craven, Jack Joseph Craven, Jennifer Schabert, Lee Crave, Open Arms

We moved our blog to a new web-host, and also moved from a subdomain to the main domain, so if you have our blog bookmarked please update your link to be www.lifenstuff.org – Also if you have a smartphone please remember you can view our blog via any smartphone as it’s designed to automatically recognize your handset and display our mobile theme which is optimized for mobile ease of use and speed.

Jennifer has a visit to the Dr in a week or two, she is going to request all her records so she can backdate the blog to let you all know whats been happening with us as far as fertility goes since we lost Jack.

I’ve made her feel really bad and I’ve slapped both sides of her face countless times because she keeps asking ‘How do I do the blog thing again?’ and I explain it’s nice and simple we can do it when you’re ready… Of course she’s working many shifts at the hospital and at one point she was taking care of her father on a daily basis so I honestly don’t hold that against her.

I just feel that Jennifers input would be so much more beneficial or at least interesting to those of you dealing with fertility issues or considering starting a family and what you could expect. It’s honestly not something we expected, as many other people that have faced similar issues to us have found out, it’s not as simple as it seems. [...]

Tags: community forums, family planning, fertility, fertility forum, fertility treatment, fertility website, jack craven, moved hosts, planning a family, twitter, update, webhosts

After losing Jack last year, things honestly didn’t get much better for us we had a few ups and downs throughout the remainder of 2009, we were so eager to see 2010 on a calender (it’s just numbers I know, but it’s a good excuse for the pair of us to be extra positive.

Jennifer started her medication last week to induce a period, and hopefully over the next week we will start our injections, we are eager, nervous and in suspense to start all this over again, Jack really touched our hearts in ways nothing/nobody else ever will, he really did change our lives forever.

We did leave our previous fertility treatment Doctor who was Dr. daniel rychlik in the past, we found he wasn’t compassionate after losing Jack, he basically said to us in the followup ‘You actually want to try again and go through all this?’ almost saying every inappropriate word under the sun Jennifer and I  had already talked about it and agreed we did. We never returned to see Dr Rychlik, we instead were referred to Dr Patel, who has a different outlook on things, and actually looked into much more than we expected prior to treatment, which made us feel more comfortable about the whole 3rd attempt if you like. [...]

Just want to let you all know we are planning on sharing some updates with you all very shortly, we have both been working a lot of hours over the past few weeks and trying to keep up with the personal side of life is hard, but I assure you we won’t fail you, we have a few things to share =)

Of all days, today was awkward, arriving back at the Fertility Treatment Center in Chandler was not one of the best feelings, it brought back memories more than I imagined, in fact it only seemed like yesterday since me and Jennifer were doing our treatment yet it’s being months now. Jennifer broke down at the door prior to going inside which of course had my stomach all knotted up.

We were taken back fairly quickly to see Dr. Daniel F. Rychlik, MD, FACOG who has helped us since attending our treatments at the Fertility Center, it was an awkward time sitting with him in his office, not that he did or said anything wrong, it’s just as I’m sure all parents who have suffered miscarriages want answers and of course in our case no apparent reasons suggest why we lost Jack at this point, and I don’t think we will find an answer, I’m more comfortable knowing it was just ‘One of those things…’ rather than find something wrong.

Dr. Rychlik asked us if we wanted to do the same treatment routine again and we both insisted we did, the Bravelle is what worked for us twice in a row now, we just didn’t quite make it the full term. He agreed to go the same course again although this time we have to wait for Jennifer to have two menstrual cycles, which for us is different as Jennifer has irregular periods, so if she hasn’t had a period in two months we will go in for an injection which will induce a period (we have had to do this in the past to start our treatment).

On days 6 – 10 of Jennifer’s cycle Dr. Rychlik want’s to do a Sonohysterogram (SHG) which is an office procedure performed to check for abnormalities inside the uterus. The SHG can detect fibroids, polyps, adhesions and/or other growths or scarring inside the uterus. Uterine abnormalities are found in 25% – 30% of all cases. Some of these will need surgican repair, others will be noted but not need treatment.

So now it’s just a waiting game, maybe in the two months it will give us both some time to try and pull things back together, finances are tighter than ever and the economy isn’t giving us a break either, we will someway somehow over come what a destructive 2009 has brought us.

Tags: chandler fertility, Dr. daniel rychlik, Fertility Treatment Center, SHG, Sonohysterogram, uterine abnotmalities

So back to the drawing board as of tomorrow, we head to Chandler again to the Fertility treatment center to have a new consult and begin trying to conceive again, we are hoping we can jump right in and begin our injections of bravelle the drug that has enabled us to conceive twice now, but this time we’re pleading for a 3rd time lucky, the injections consist of a 5 day course followed by a invasive ultrasound of which if the eggs are big enough (17mm) we can then use the ovulation injection and go ahead with a strict planned intercourse routine which consists of 3 days (we do 4 just to be safe heh).

This drug although not rated the most successful has worked mirracles for us as far as maturing the eggs, generally within 10 days they are of good size, 5 or so other drugs we have tried have not managed to come close, on drug we tried between bravelle (forgot the name) took over 25 days and still didn’t get the eggs half the mature size they needed to be, so this is the one we ask for, it seems to be the winner for Jennifers chemistry.

We will update you all tomorrow on the news we receive from the clinic, I’m nervous because I don’t want to be making a bunch of trips doing consults prior to starting, this is the impression I get, we want to get straight on with it, Jack is still very clear in our thoughts and we long for children, it’s been a long hard rocky road for us trying and jack was just weeks away from being viable. It would complete our life together and I know from how we both were with Jack that we will be great parents.

Tags: bravelle, chandler fertility treatment center, Empty Arms, fertility, fresh start, trying for a family

Pictured here is the shadow box we made for Jacks memorial service. I’ve never made anything like this before and to be honest I was nervous about doing so, I do demolition for a living so building isn’t my strongest skill (yet) but hey we made it, after getting the box together I stained it with some nice stain using a cloth followed by lot’s of clear lacquer, Jennifer had already made all the fancy little scrapbook goodies that would sit inside, then together we placed them all inside and sealed the box for his memories to be safe and visible to us to see whenever we walked by.

It’s one thing to make something like this as a gift or for a nice collection to sit on your wall, yet for us this was to keep all of our late son Jacks belongings in so we can see them every day, it now sits nicely among our family pictures on the ‘growing’ picture wall in our living room.

I don’t find my days any easier, and I’m sure I won’t for a long time, infact our little shadow box is a constant reminder of what we’ve just lost in our lives. I can be outside working on the yard and he just pops into my thoughts, nothing triggers it so to speak, I just think a lot when I’m alone, and I can’t stop my tears, I some what get mad and feel worthless and I have to remind myself it wasn’t something that we did or caused, it was just one of those weird things. One thing I do know from this is that Jennifer will make a great mother when the time comes, she was so nervous about being a ‘good mum’ yet when it all happened she took care of Jack like he was our 3rd child, it’s crazy how people change when placed into a situation.

Jennifer still not doing too well, we both grieve differently, I’m a quiet person that soaks emotions and feelings up like a sponge, where as Jennifer likes to be open and talk about them. I don’t personally think there is only one way to deal with this, each to there own. Like I’m able to sleep on a night when I climb in bed usually yet Jennifer is only getting 2-3 hours a night, she wakes sweating and confused and often has dreams about Jack of which some are nightmares and some are pleasant, I’m sure it’s because her mind is in overdrive with all that we have just gone through, I know mine starts going a mile a minute when I’m not occupied.

I want to personally thank you all again (I can’t tell you enough times) for your wonderful comments, gifts and donations, you have no idea how much everything has helped us with this.

For those of you who are ‘Fans’ on our Facebook page, thank you also, y0ur support means the world to us also, if you want to become a fan you can use the navigation bar at the bottom of your screen.

Here are a few more pictures for you to view of Jacks Shadow Box and Jacks tiny Urn:

Tags: Jack Joseph Craven, memorial service, shadow box, St Josephs Hospital

So today was a hard day, today marks the day that Jack was cremated. In most ways it’s a good thing as it brings us closer to the closure we need, it’s not the best feeling in the world going to pick up your sons urn though, that is something I can assure you. To all of you who have left us a comment, called or just thought of us through these rough times, both Jennifer and I are all very appreciative of all your support, I personally can’t begin to explain how grateful I am that to each and every one of you that have been there for us.

It was a little overwhelming picking up the urn from the memorial office in Phoenix, just brings back the sudden pain that you don’t think exists, I don’t know how to explain it, it’s not a pain that you expect to feel, not any that I’ve experienced before anyhow, it’s just very obvious and it hurts from the inside out, yet this was the place we said our last physical goodbyes to Jack and just the smell of the place had me all choked up.

We are still in the process of organizing Jacks service, which is going to be held in the chapel at St Josephs hospital with the help of Michelle who is one of the Chaplain’s at St Josephs hospital, Michelle is another person who has been by our side since all this happened to us offering a firm shoulder for us both (and hot Starbucks to drink, sorry I have to find humor somewhere).

We will announce the service date shortly, we don’t have a date set 100% at this time.

Tags: baby cremation, baby funeral, cremation

Organizing Jacks funeral is undoubtedly one the most difficult experiences I believe myself and Jennifer will ever have to go through. It is something no parent should ever have to do but unfortunately this is our current reality, we aren’t having the joys of sharing our new family addition in his full glory, yet really we are saying our final goodbye after such a short time. When I say ‘Final Goodbye’ I don’t mean to our son, because that’s far from the truth, but it allows those close to us to say goodbye and I guess we are saying goodbye to Jacks physically.

Many people who know me know that I’m not religious, and I have no problem with anyone being religious (I kind of get comfort from knowing people find peace in religion, I just don’t like people trying to convince me it’s the right thing, so to speak), it’s not something I was brought up with (or forced into should I say) it was left up to me to decide if that’s what I wanted etc.

So anyhow, going to the funeral place was hard, it’s hard going down to arrange things right after all the current events have just taken place, you want to be at home grieving yet you have to go and take care of things to kind of give yourself the relief and thought that it’s the right thing

Tags: baby cremation, baby funeral, baby service